There are tons of reasons I don’t use Tinder.
First, I am a Christian who wants to marry a man as crazy about Jesus as I am, who knows what his life purpose is and is busy with that, a man who aspires to excellence in all he does in his life be it writing, directing movies, preaching, (if that is his purpose) eating healthy, working out, not smoking, taking care of his body and brain.
My invisible husband does not binge watch movies on Netflix. He is also not on Tinder. He does not put much effort to be found by a girl (me).
For 20 or so years I relied on myself when it came to my dating life. Now I have given it over to God coz I was like so bad at love and picking matches. I mean single at 40?
When you turn over your love story to God, you know He doesn’t need your help to set up a meeting with your potential mate, so my husband knows he does not need to be on Tinder to be found by me.
Because of turning over my dating life to God, I will not make any effort on my part to find this man. God is all for the woman chilling and the man pursuing her. After all in Proverbs 18:22, it says that he who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord. I am the good thing. When you find me you will get favor from God.
I think women don’t get that. That you are the gift, this stealing men from other women, buying him gifts, calling and texting him every nano second, going through his phone to see if he is cheating on you is a tad too dramatic. So unnecessary. Chill. Relax. You are the gift. Pause.
Hence I’m not on Tinder; searching and looking.
My first book is a result of all the research I did as a single Christian woman because no one really catered to me or could answer my questions. Who is unmarried at my age in Christian circles? No one. Who knew what I go through? Basically no one; they got married at 24. I had to find these practical answers for myself.
For instance, do I look for this boy or not?
There are ways to meet Christian guys, I guess on some Christian dating sites. And some people have successfully connected on the sites. And there is nothing wrong with that per se.
But personally, I have found my purpose in life. It is writing and it isn’t simply writing a 1500 word post. It was about writing that will impact and even change someone’s life.
I used to write for a Kenyan audience before and I wrote an article about being happy despite not being married. In fact I even pitied many unhappily married people there.
In Kenya, the community shuns you if you are unmarried at 24; I got many letters from Kenyan women who were unmarried and were living in shame and being treated like they had concocted the AIDS virus. For the first time, someone had validated their existence and told them they were OK.
I want my writing to do something positive in a reader’s life. At the bare minimum make them laugh, if possible change the whole way they live.
Anyway, because I stumbled on this 3 years ago, I have been a very busy camper. I have to account for my time. I don’t watch TV like I used to.
I also really don’t have time to peruse profiles on even a Christian dating site. If you haven’t found your purpose then by all means peruse away. I am not hating. I just can’t do it.
If I can’t find time for that, no way I can be on Tinder; he is not even there.
Don’t people just meet to have sex with each other? Gross to the power of grossness. In Sweden they have a term called knulla kompis which means a friend to just have sex with. No strings attached.
Eew, eew, eew.
Before I found God, I wasn’t the purest girl out there and to be honest even after I found Him I did not see what was wrong with me having sex before marriage.
God and I have an interesting relationship. He knows I am so analytic and will question everything till something makes sense to me.
But the person I am now, knows why God wants me to not have sex before marriage. So I am not sleeping with my future invisible husband before our wedding night. I am not crystal clear if I will even kiss him.
The journey from questioning God to the new and improved me is in my first book.
Back to Tinder.
Tinder is somehow owned by the guys who own Match Group. It’s a complicated relationship but Match Group, which is controlled by IAC (interactive corporation) is the parent company of Tinder,
A parent company is one that owns enough voting stock in another firm to control management and operation by doing and influencing or electing its board of directors. The second company is deemed a subsidiary of the parent company.
So what is so interesting about IAC? Well, they are the people who fired Justin Sacco in December 2013. She was their Director of Corporate Communications.
She was fired for something she tweeted.
For two weeks in December all the news outlets were about her.
Most were outraged that anyone would consider her -I am going to Africa I hope I do not get AIDS. Just kidding I am white-tweet, racist.
How stupid could we all be?
First Huffington post had Bianca Bosker write that Justine Sacco made an ignorant comment and it did not deserve the online mob bashing she got. Such online mob bashing could “stifle free expression”.
John Nolte of the Breibart blog shared a similar sentiment, he wrote “On a late December Friday night an online lynch mob destroyed the reputation career and life of a young woman…..”
He had an interesting perspective, that we misconstrued the tweet and blamed everyone but Justine for destroying her own life. (Trump, the government of South Africa, a Halloween pumpkin…all were responsible apart from Justin, the victim here)
Then Siri Srinivas wrote an article on the Guardian. She insisted Justine Sacco was trying to use sarcasm, we just did not get it and that’s why we were so pissed off. Really, we shouldn’t; it was just sarcasm. She even referenced the book “One Day I Will Write About This Place” by Kenyan writer Binyavanga Wainaina.
I mean everyone has a right to an opinion, but this became a black and white issue. Recently I penned an article about race. I said that racism makes people stupid. When people put all their focus on skin colour, they lose brain cells.
I don’t care that Justine was white or if her tweet was racist or not. The issue is how are you anything in a communications field and do not know that a tweet of 140 characters can easily be misunderstood, misconstrued and you need to be careful with those characters.
This was the issue here. If a Director of Communications did not know twitter etiquette, then she could not spell Binyavanga and had never even read his book.
My thing was if IAC hired such people for such senior positions, were their recruitment and promotion guidelines ethical?
Obviously they did not promote Justin for her brains so did they only promote white people? I read on Wikipedia that they were sued for sexual discrimination by a Whitney Wofle in 2014. I think they are plain shady. I wonder if they have any other discrimination suits filed against them.
If I was Justine I would sue them for wrongful termination, “Why did you fire me? You knew I was not the smartest tool in the shed.” Do they even have a discipline procedure? Let me guess. No.
I think they need a visit from the US Equal Employment Opportunity Commission. I’m sure they would not pass an audit.
Even if Tinder was a place my future hubby would hang out at, I would not use it coz it is linked to a company tainted by shadiness.
photo credit: bobbi vie life : bobbi vie + #bvtastes #8 via photopin (license)