I’ve received a lot of feedback from the previous articles on this series. Some people think I am a harsh anti-marriage advocate who is hard on whoever courts me. I can come across a bit harsh because I think single women are letting their most useful years waste away while leading unhappy existences. I am trying to say that, that, doesn’t have to your truth.
I am, however, like every other girl and would like to buy a Lazaro gown for my wedding.
I even know the style I want. I DO want to be married and know it could be a blessing in your life but till then I remain my happy productive self. Capeche???
By all means court me if you like but please be doing something with your life. LOL
On to some myths about single life.
There is something wrong with you. You have a disease. There is nothing wrong or defunct about you. You do not have leprosy. No one will catch your imaginary disease. In fact you are 100000 times better than someone who rushed into marriage and 5 years down the line is contemplating divorce and contemplating dating after divorce. These people want so bad to be you. You never know how many people want to be you even though they don’t say it.
So wear your favorite lipstick, buy some Chanel No. 5 and rock it girl. Hold your head up high and own your singleness.
Your relationship with bae will be smooth sailing and everyday will be roses, candles and floating on cloud nine. Sweetie no. Every relationship has peaks and valleys. Good days and bad. No way there won’t exist friction when two different adults with different values, different backgrounds come together. I mean my best friend Viola and I love each other to no end. But when we fight, our fights are epic. I am totally safe with her so she has seen the worst versions of me and vice versa. I get on so well with her so if we fight, trust me you and bae will have bad days.
It’s someone’s responsibility to keep you feeling happy, loved and heal all you issues. People are lazy so instead of fixing their issues, they think they can enter a union and the other person will fix them. You are not marrying a psychologist or a circus monkey to keep you entertained. Work on yourself first. Don’t get married thinking you are not beautiful but imagining it’s his job to keep you feeling beautiful.
“I don’t feel beautiful because my husband does not tell me I look beautiful 4 times a day.”
Well that is too much work. You look in the mirror, affirm yourself all day if you have to and when you get married you won’t be sooo needy.
People also think it’s their partner’s job to make sure they are never lonely. But maybe you are not lonely, maybe you need to be good company to yourself.
Frankly I think if you are marrying a person to affirm you, heal all your issues, entertain you and spend all their waking moments with you to make sure you are never lonely, maybe you need to pay them.
Who are you to imagine someone else deserves to deal with the worst version of yourself? Child please.
Deal with your issues first, love second.
Society demands it of you so you must be doing something wrong if you don’t adhere to it. In Kenya the need and pressure to be married and bear children is claustrophobic. I get accosted by someone; my mother, my brother, my aunties, my cousins, our pet rooster regarding my unmarried state about 10 times an hour. I literally can’t breathe. Sweden is not so acute but even here they have a saying “that a husband, kids, white picket fence” is the normal thing to do. So this pressure is worldwide.
But we have to practice to question things. To not be afraid to carve your own path and own that path. Do you realize that even if 1000 people want you to do something that they may be wrong?
I question things all the time.
I had a very intelligent friend who lived in Sweden and people thought she was stupid because she spoke Swedish with an accent. She would come crying to me and I told her,
”You are extremely intelligent. Don’t give much thought to what other people tell you. It’s not like we have measured their IQ’s.”
She moved to the USA and enrolled in a beauty program. Turns out she is the star pupil at her school and all her teachers and students know it. This is the same person but two varying opinions.
If you date a mean man who calls you ugly say “That’s not true coz I looked in the mirror this morning and I am still beautiful.”
Stop giving other people so much power over your own life. It’s called your life for a reason.
The other day a young unwed mother with a 7 year old son asked me don’t I want to have a baby so that when I die they can continue my name or something? Same person who can’t afford food or winter clothes for her son.
Of course I am very cordial and smile when someone presents such a stupid proposition to me. “So how is this “leaving a name project” working for you at the moment?”
All single people look at married people with jealousy, envy and longing. I got that from that stupid article I read. I am rarely jealous of anyone coz I know if it can happen to you it can happen to me. I am especially NOT jealous of many married people because I think many people show the shiny glittery side of marriage on social media. I think many are very unhappy in their marriages and are just trapped for whatever reasons.
If there’s anyone I envy and it’s not envy coz God doesn’t want that, more like admire. It’s Ayesha Curry. Wife of Stephen Curry. A man who loves Jesus, loves his family and supports his wife’s entrepreneurial activities. I mean she released a cookbook which was a NY Times bestseller and has a cooking show on TV. Now I like her life. One woman who definitely married well.
I also admire Sarah and Toure Roberts, Rick and Kay Warren but Ayesha is numero uno for me. I don’t think a lot of people have the relationship she has with Stephen. So if you ever thought your marriage made me cry myself to sleep daily and made you imagine you were better than me and I deserved your pity, sweetheart please go back to the drawing board because I’m not that impressed. (That’s my mean side coming out that Jesus needs to fix completely.)
A man will complete you. It is good to exist in a dillusional universe where you think someone across a rainbow will come along and finally make you complete, happy and whole. If you currently do not think you are complete then prince charming magically appearing in your life will not …I repeat NOT complete you.
If you have any more myths you feel I did not address leave a comment on my blog and I will get back to you and discuss your points. Maybe I will write a follow-up article.